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I found this letter I wrote almost 3 years ago. So much healing has taken place in the past 5 years, and while I still have some uncertainty, my trust in God has deepened.
August 3, 2016
Dear Birth Mom,
This has not been an easy process. I’m referring to once we made the decision to pursue adoption. Obviously, losing my ability to bear children has been the greatest loss I have ever faced in my life, and has been excruciating. It is not something I will get over in a week, month, year, or even lifetime. It will always be a pain that I experience.
We have wrestled with adoption. It was never something I saw myself doing. I imagine you might say the same thing.
But, once we began the process of applying to Lifeline, and beginning the adoption journey, it created anxiety in me. A lot of it, I feel I can’t explain. I guess it is the fear of the unknown. I know this process will be long and difficult and involve waiting. That creates unease.
I was praying for us this morning, and as I read Jeremiah 29:11, I really thought of you.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
God plans to give us all a future, and a hope! The amazing thing about you, is that you are allowing and choosing to give this precious child a future. And, at the same time, you will give our family a future that we wanted– to make Annie a sister! You are also giving yourself a future, by moving on to accomplish your goals and dreams, and I would say a good future because God promises to bless you for the choice you made. That doesn’t mean it will be an easy, no-stress life, but the Lord will honor you for your choice to save this child’s life.
The hope we all have is relationship with God in this lifetime, and an eternity with Him.