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As our adoption journey unfolds, we continue educating ourselves to ensure we are prepared as much as possible to make an adoptive childs life that we will welcome into our home a positive one. Though there are various concerns, issues, or questions that may arise, the key aspect that stands out front and foremost is apparent and that is openness and honesty with the child from the beginning. Talking about the child being adopted in an age appropriate manner is vital so as not to blindside them later in life. Adoption will be a part of their lifes journey. The child deserves the respect of their story not being kept from them.
Since beginning our journey, we have met or learned of acquaintances we have known having their own adoptive stories. All have had positive experiences though differnet types of adoptions. Despite that, all have one common denominatior, that being the openness of their adoptive families with them in regards to their journeys from an early age as far back as each of them could remember.
Recently, I went to my annual eye exam. The Doctor and I were catching up and I mentioned that we were on a journey to adopt. This seemed to peak an interest immediately in him and he confided that he had been adopted at birth. One of the first things he told me was that has known this as long as he can remember and he could not imagine having grown up not knowing. He is thankful to his adoptive parents for their openness with him regularly as he grew up. He stated he has had a wonderful life, raised as part of an amazing family, along with a brother (by adoption) who was also adopted. He said he has had contact with his birth mother who reached out to him as an adult. She needed to know that he was ok and that her decision had been the right one. He was able to give her that piece of mind and they still stay in touch on occassion. He said he has no resentment toward her or her decision. Instead, he is thankful her for choosing life for him.
He also shared that his birth mother had another son later in life that she raised. Learning of this, still did not cause him to have any resentment toward her or the brother she chose to raise. He said it was a different time in her life, under different circumstances. He said he never felt unwanted or like he wasn’t supposed to be a part of a family he had not been born into but adopted by. He said his adoptive parents have been nothing but supportive through his entire life, as they also have been and continue to be with both him and his adoptive brother.
His biological half brother, knew of Doc because their mother spoke of him often. This brother eventually reached out to him wanting to meet prior to being deployed. They did meet, getting to know each other, spending several wonderful hours together. Though they have not gotten together since, they both left the door open with the possibility of meeting again.
Doc’s journey further reinforces to us the importance of openness early and often with an adoptive child. As we respect your decision and journey to that difficult decision of placing your child up for adoption, we also promise to respect your child and their adoption story sharing with them all we know as they grow. We will raise the child to respect us the adoptive parents who welcomed them into our home to love and raise as part of our family. We will also raise them to respect you, their mother, who due to your love for her child gave them life and a chance to live it.