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So, recently I got impatient to know what was going on with the agency- had we been shown, what did people say about us and so on. I’d been waiting and just couldn’t take not knowing anymore. emailed our out-of-state case worker and asked. She sent me back an email that was very clinical. Our profile had been shown twice and the agency had completed so many adoptions and had so many waiting families. Then there were a series of statistics about the types of drug exposure and severity. The ending tag of the email is that they would continue to show our profile when we matched with a birth mother.
I read the email and thought, “Our profile has been shown twice!” It felt like hitting the lottery. I figure it is mainly a numbers game. We need to be shown to as many families as possible in order to find the right birth family- the right match for us. It is just a matter of waiting.
Or is it?!?! A few days later, our in-state case worker called me. She wanted to see how we were doing and to encourage us to be proactive in our search. she said birth mothers feel better if they have some connection- however remote- to the adoptive family. For example, a friend at work knows of a great family.
Suddenly, my heart sank. We had to find our own baby. Hadn’t we been through that trying, hoping and praying to get pregnant? Hadn’t we talked to so many doctors and visited so many clinics? I was ready to wait patiently, playing the odds. Now, my case worker was telling me I needed to be more proactive. How was I going to do that?
She had a few suggestions:
1. Post on social media and tell everyone that we are looking to adopt. You never know who someone might know.
2. Create a website. Then market it so that others can find you. Create buzz.
3. send out notices in Christmas cards
4. Announce that you want to adopt in church or other groups.
The list went on. We need to stand out in a crowd. We need to take control and not be passive in this journey, she told us. I haven’t done anything yet. But i know I will do something. the thing that kept me going through all those fertility treatments and through the months of waiting is the desire to hold that baby in my arms. To experience the joy of watching a personality emerge. Of watching Isabella become a big sister and share a special bond with her new sibling.
These things are priceless and worth the wait. They are worth the time. They are worth the extra effort.